Family Friday

You know those days when things just don't go right? Those days you just want to crawl back under those covers and sleep for years? Those days that bring you to buckets of tears? Yeah, one of those? Well, I had one today.

I fear my family felt it quite well. Although I managed to keep my voice calm and qiuet... didn't yell, didn't show impatience... I burdened them all with my sob story of the vanity of life. I really was a BIG BABY. Ugh! And I'm thirty years old... what's with that?? I never thought I'd actually crave a temper tantrum so fiercely.

Despite my bad day and my crocodile tears, I hope that my kids could see that I am real... I get frustrated, sad, and upset just like they do. But I hope more than that, that I was able to reflect at least a teeny tiny shimmer of God's grace to them.

Family Friday - An Alphabet Family is Born

I've got a yummy extra for you today, in honor of the big blog party. Usually, for my Family Friday posts, I write about my current joys and struggles of living the family life. This Friday, I thought I'd give you the first chapter of my very own love story and how the Alphabet Family* all started.

But first, I wanted to share something with you that has encouraged my heart, made me laugh, and made my cry. (This is mostly directed at stay at home moms, though it is not dissing working mothers, by any means.) Sometimes, being "just a mom" is hard. People look down on us and think of us as couch potatoes in sweat pants. But the fact is, we're not. Well, we might be in our sweat pants, but that's because we haven't had a chance to get dressed yet. Since the moment our child(ren) demands we leave our bed, we never stop encountering the demands of motherhood. And a lot of times, the demands do not stop when our head hits our pillow. As my friend recently said, "To be honest I can’t think of a single mom that I know that hasn’t struggled with the challenges and struggles of motherhood. Too bad we don’t like to open ourselves up more to share those struggles, huh?"

It has been a rough two weeks as I have struggled with the realization that motherhood is 24/7 for the rest of my children's lives. That others can help with "things", but no one else in this world can take over mothering for me. I will never get a break from being a mother. Ever. It's so overwhelming and sometimes I feel like I can't even be me. Instead I'm just a poop wiping, food making machine.

So, when I heard these Focus on the Family radio episodes (here and here), I laughed, I cried, and I was encouraged. When you get a chance (I know you're busy this week neglecting your kids partying), listen to them. It will do you good. I promise.

Ok, on to Chapter One of An Alphabet Family is Born.

An Alphabet Family is Born
Chapter One

Interesting enough, it did not start with A. It started with an S, but I’m jumping ahead of myself.

In April of 2004, my brother was being promoted from basic training at ALERT (Air Land Emergency Resource Team), and our family had traveled down to Texas to get in on the ceremony. I was very excited. My best friend, Sharon, was going to be on campus. She and several other older single girls were going to be leaders at the first ever “girls’ boot camp” (STEP). I was happy for my brother, but I was mostly concerned with meeting up with my friend. I hadn’t seen her for over a year. We wrote hand written letters and emailed back and forth during that year, but to be able to see her face to face was a treasure I valued highly. We didn’t have a lot of overlapping time to really talk… the deep kind of talks that we loved to have… but we did get to visit a little.

The morning my family was to leave Texas and head home, I asked Sharon what she was going to be doing that day to prepare for STEP, since the next day the girls would be arriving. There was excitement in her voice as she answered, “We're going repelling! To just give it a go before we have to teach the girls.” I don’t remember what I said. Probably something along the lines of “have fun”.

We had just reached Oklahoma City, about 4 hours from the ALERT campus, when Mom’s cell phone rang. I don’t remember who it was, but they said that Sharon had fallen 60 feet while repelling. She was in the hospital and was asking for me.

That sinking, gotta throw up feeling that settles in the pit of your stomach when you’ve just heard bad news hit me in a split second and stuck with me all the way back down to Texas and to the hospital. There were so many thoughts going through my head. Would she live? Will she be paralyzed? I should have told her how much I really appreciated her friendship. And on and on the thoughts went.

After waiting for a while in the waiting room with the ALERT directors, Sharon’s sister, Joy, and another mutual friend arrived. Had it been under different circumstances, I would have been ecstatic. We waited, we cried. Finally, we were able to go in and see her. It was hard to see her in such pain. So much pain that she didn’t even realize I was there.

There was nothing more I could do. With many injuries to her spine and two crushed heels, she would be in the hospital for a long time. So, reluctantly I returned home.

About a month and a half later, Sharon’s mother called asking if I could come down to Texas to assist Joy in taking care of Sharon. She was now out of the hospital and on campus, bedridden in one of the dorms. Her mother wanted to stay with her, but it was hard on the family of youngsters and being away from her husband. She needed to go back home to Indiana. Joy was to remain to care for Sharon, but it was too much for one person. So, the beginning of June found me back in Texas dorming with two great friends. I won’t go into all the struggles and sad times, to protect Sharon’s privacy, but it was not all fun and games amongst three giggly girls.

Just a few days after arriving, Joy informed Sharon and I that one of the guys who had helped with the Space Shuttle Columbia search and recovery wanted to come over that evening and show us his pictures from the recovery. I guess he wanted to provide us with a bit of entertainment.

“Hi. I’m Aaron,” he said as he walked into our dorm room. “You must be Brenda.”

I think I answered, but I don’t remember. I was too busy thinking about his gorgeous eyelashes.

*My husband's name starts with an A and mine with a B. We are continueing the alphabet with each of our children, 1st born C and second born D. No, we do not plan to go all the way to Z.

Family Friday

Motherhood - The Worst and Best of it

I think if we were all honest, we would admit that there are certianly parts of motherhood that we dislike, could do without, perhaps even hate. And I think that's ok. In fact, I think it's wise to admit it to ourselves.

If we allow ourselves to live in the disillusionment that motherhood is always the most enjoyable thing in life, it will lead to frustration and discontent. Frustration that we must not be doing it right, if we don't find it enjoyable. Discontent with all the sacrifice motherhood requires. These feelings will in turn make us into the mother monster that none of us want to be.

Personally, I hate the interruptions to my sleep. I hate being jolted from a deep and pleasant slumber by the cry of my children, especially when they are no longer infants. I'm always tempted to holler, "Be Quiet!" then roll over and go back to sleep. I don't. But it sure sounds tempting. Most of the time, though, by the time I go into the child's room and begin to find out why they are crying, my love for them overtakes the frustration of sacrificing my sleep. That only lasts until the next outburst, then the temptation to holler at them returns.

I also really dislike pregnancy. In fact, I would skip it if I could. I don't like the sickness and tiredness of the first trimester. The second is alright, but still not enjoyable. And the third... well, who wants to feel like they've got a 30 pound bowling ball attached to their belly? The long and short of it is I don't like it. Sometimes I think I must be weird or something. Aren't women supposed to be happy and glowing during pregnancy? Isn't it supposed to be a magical time? If so, I missed the memo somewhere along the line.

There are more, like hearing my name used in vain. The whining for no apparent reason. The toys all over the house. Crumbs under the table. There are lots more, but the point is they exist. It's up to me to admit it, then move on, remembering that "this too shall pass". I need to embrace the things I do love.... The hugs. The kisses. Watching them learn and develop. Seeing their personalities bloom. The funny things they do and say. The joys of motherhood are just as strong, if not stronger, than the dislikes. And it is definitely worth going through the not so enjoyable, because without the worst, the best would not exist.


What do you like and dislike about motherhood?

Family Friday

The only one in our family that even has a desire to stand up and walk is our almost 3 year old daughter. Praise God for Noggin and Curious George.


What do you do in your family to entertain the kiddos who aren't sick? What do you do to insure your own speedy recovery? Have you ever had a time when both you and your husband were too sick to do much to care for the kids?

Family Friday

I come this week with a sad heart. Sad at my downfalls. Sad that it's so hard to change my attitude. Sad that loving my children actually grinds against my very nature.

I mean love as in self sacrifical love. I do love my children very much. It's my desire to nuture them and cause them to know in their heart that their mother loves them dearly. But to sacrifice my own plans to accomplish just that goes against human nature.

It has become increasingly plain to me this week that I am much more concerned with what I want to do, than I am with the wellbeing of my children. Sure, I feed them, I change their diapers or help them go potty, I give them baths. I even smile and talk to them as I do. But I don't enjoy with them. I don't pay attention to them. When they come to me with requests to play, frustration begins to boil inside me. How dare they interrupt me from my plans!? When they request a drink or help with something, I give an absent minded "just a mintue" and go on with my plan. When they don't nap as long as I think they should or refuse to nap at all, I don't see it as an opportunity to spend more time with them, but instead I see it as throwing a wrench into my plans.

"Jesus saith unto them, My meat is to do the will of him that sent me, and to finish his work." -John 4:34

"For even Christ pleased not himself" -Romans 15:3

Christ has given me the perfect example of self sacrifice. Phillipians two tells how He literally laid aside the glory of Heaven - more glorious, rich, and amazing than any human mind can conjure up- to live the life of a lowly human. To perform the menial tasks of a lowly man. He set aside the power to do what He wanted to do the will of His Father.

The will of my Father is to serve my children (no, not be their slave), love my children, nurture my children, play with my children, bond with my children, enjoy my children. But in order to fulfill the will of my Father, I must, like Christ, set aside my own will... my own plans on a moment by moment basis.

"Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others." -Philippians 2:4

"We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves." -Romans 15:1

I am definitely strong than my alomst 3 year old and my 1 year old, and they certainly have a pascal full of infirmities in the course of one day... scraped knees, hurt feelings, toy frustrations.... What am I doing to bear these for them? Merely a pat on the back while fighting the urge to push them away? What shame!

Yesterday, I worked real hard at changing all this. But you know, it was hard. Harder than a lot of things I've had to do. And though the actions were there more, my heart still wasn't there. I didn't feel love and compassion when C was crying over the piece of kleenex she had stuffed up her nose. I didn't feel joy at the thought of spending one on one time with D when he just would not nap. I didn't feel excitement and enjoyment when I answered C's, "Come on, Mom. Play store with me." I just plain didn't feel anything but the grating of sacrifice against selfishness.

I've contemplated the saying, "Just do, the feelings will come." Should it be that way? I don't want to grudgingly perform duties. I want it to come from the heart. Perhaps it boils down to trying to do things in my own strength. My own strength is weak and does not bring joy. It is heavy and tiresome. But the joy of the Lord is my strength and His yoke is easy and His burden is light.
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How did you display love to your family this week? In what ways do you want to change to show them a greater love?

Family Friday

I've tried to get more rest this past week and it has helped with the frustration level. I still need to work on going to bed earlier though. I am such a night person, so it's hard. Knowing that I'll have to get up at 6:30-7:00 with Daryn doesn't make it any easier, for some reason.

I've got some wonderful plans for Valentine's that I am super excited about. But I will say no more lest I spill da beans.

This week, I want to work on not ignoring the kids so much. It's just so easy to get wrapped up in "my" stuff, and just ignore them, then get annoyed when they wake me from my spacey stuper. It usually goes something like this:

Me: Engrossed with cleaning or computer stuff, etc.

Cherith: "Mom, Mom, Mom"

Me: Slightly annoyed with the way she spits forth my name in rapid succession. "What, Cherith?"

Cherith: "Can I watch a movie?"

Me: Distracted with what I'm doing. "Ummmmmmm...."

Cherith: "Mom, can I watch I movie? Mom, Mom, Mom."

Me: "Just a minute, Cherith." Continuing to think about what I'm doing rather than her.

Cherith: Gives up and takes off to play.

It's only a matter of minutes before the poor ignored child decides to get attention by throwing toys or beating on little brother.

You get the picture. I need to remember my priorities. My children are more important than my computer or any of my projects.

Family Friday

I've been thinking a lot about all the special little things Aaron does to show just how much he cherishes me. The most special to me is his habit of writing a little note with a red ink pen on a bright yellow, square post-it then leaving it somewhere for me to eventually find during the day. I look forward to my note search every morning.

When I think of all he does, it makes me feel like a moocher. I get so much from him, but what special thing do I do for him on a regular basis? I know marriage isn't about keeping tally of "favors", but I do wish I could think of something that would be "my special little thing" to do for him. I'll have to think on that one.

On another note, looking back over the week, I've let my tiredness come out in exasperated shortness toward both the kids and my husband. I haven't yelled or gotten mad... just that frustrated exasperation. But none the less, I don't like it. This next week, I want to rest more and remember that they are not the enemy.